Public Service Announcement: What Not To Wear, Nightlife Edition

Don't get us wrong. We love self-expression and dressing like you just don't give a f!ck about what anyone thinks about your outfit. Whether you like mixing plaid and florals, wearing silly hats, or using so much eyeliner we mistake you for a raccoon, more power to you. However, when it comes to your muffin top or vah jay jay, we'd rather not see it unless it's the appropriate situation (at the doctor's, in the bedroom, etc.) A  location not deemed appropriate? A bar or club.

When getting ready to hit the town with your crew, it's always wise to remember these three components:

1. No one wants to see your butt crack. Unless you're trying to attract drunk, horny, classless dudes who will bed you, lack the sobriety to keep "it" up, then pretend to lose your number - and we don't know anyone who desires that - save the plumber look for...your plumber. After a few drinks, you will not want to worry about pulling your skin tight jeans up every time you go to sit down at a bar stool or chair or bend over on the dance floor. There is an easy solution to this wardrobe issue: have you ever heard of a belt? It's this weird invention that keeps your pants from falling down. Use it.

2. A close relative of the butt crack species, the muffin top sometimes rears its ugly head in non native environments like dance floors and bars. We are big fans of dancing, and love shaking our booties  until last call. What we don't love? When our shirts ride up revealing our less-than-Gisele-like stomachs hanging over our skin tight jeggings. Keep those love handles a mystery and wear shirts long enough to do so. Or hit the gym. Xoxo, gossip girl.

3. Regrettably, we are forced to address this body part that sometimes is displayed during a night out. Shockingly enough, bloggers at Do You Have A Vodka Preference have been forced to witness members of the female sex on purpose accidentally flashing their lady parts à la Paris Hilton exiting a car. Your vah jay jay has no place in a bar unless said bar is a strip club and you're on stage dancing (even in that scenario we still would rather not see it). Like the previous wardrobe issues, this one is easily remedied. Wear underwear with a skirt that falls at least two inches below your butt cheeks. If you insist on going commando in a short skirt, please please please maintain enough sobriety in order to make sure you're taking lengths to conceal your privates.